5/31/11

Oh no, finals week start tomorrow and I have five finals and one test to go! I'm studying all night today, for both English and French. There's a quiz on Romeo and Juliet, act 4 tomorrow, as well as a French final. I'm not as worried about the French final, but still worried. I have to do well on the final for French tomorrow, or my grade will drop. I already have an A- for French, and if I do well on my final, I might be able to keep it like that. If I do bad on the final, I'll get another B! I can't stand it when I have a B in my report card. I like having straight A's, it looks really smooth and pretty on report cards.
I've already decided on my studying schedule for tonight, I just have to follow it. First, I'm going to read act 4 for  Romeo and Juliet. Second, I'm going to studying for the French final until it's time to go to sleep. I think it's better if I study for thirty minutes, then take a five to ten minute break. Breaks between studying time helps the brain to relax and soak in the information. I really hope that finals week will go well, and that I won't fail all of it.

5/30/11

I feel like sleeping for hours and hours until all the pain goes away. My head is hurting, I have a stomach ache, and my throat is throbbing! I tried to make it through the day, but I just couldn't. I went to class for English, World History, and Expository writing. I went to the clinic for French because I was just feeling way too much pain in my head to go to class. I had to go to Expository Writing because there was a test today. I think I did pretty well on the test, especially since it was an open book test. 

I didn't play basketball today because of my headache and stomach ache. Seriously, my head feels like it's about to explode! It's hurting like every second that I'm awake, and it's killing me! My throbbing throat just adds to the pain, and I feel like dying. 

Today during World History, I started messaging my shoulders. I never knew how tense my shoulders were, and how tense my neck was too! I really want to go to a massaging place, like the ones in the spas. There's also blind people who give massages in the hospital. I really want a massage right now, this instance!

5/29/11

I so tired today, I had to wake up at 7:30 in the morning! My parents took me to this place up in the mountains in Taipei, and I had to wake up at 7:30. The ironic thing that my mom said after we got home is that "next time I'm not going to take Jean with us." I thought it was really ironic because she was the one who told me to go in the first place! I didn't want to go that much, and she said, well just go because it's a reunion. I really hate how my mom does that, and it's not even my fault! I'm sorry if you have me as a daughter and I don't want to be stuck in a hotel for hours doing nothing! This is one of the reasons I hate it when people say "you're just like your mom." Correction, I'm nothing like my mom, let me repeat, nothing like my mom! I'm not as self-centered as her, not as big, not as naive, not as mean, not as selfish, and not as annoying as her. The things she do annoys me so much, but I have to live with it every single day. I hate the things she do, how she does it, and how she blames me for things. Seriously, if someone is to say that I'm like my mom, I'm going to flip out!

5/26/11

I'm learning geometry from my dad right now, as like a mini tutor. I didn't really pay attention this whole chapter so I thought I'd ask my dad to teach it to me. There's a chapter test tomorrow so I'm kind of like learning, and also reviewing for the test tomorrow. My head is hurting like crazy, I think it's probably because of all the cramming of geometry in one night. I know it's not the best way to learn, but at least I understand it more now. My dad explains it to me step by step so I know exactly what to do and why. The teacher told us that there's a final as well, and it's from chapter 7 to 12.
 I'm really scared about the final because I think I'm probably going to fail it. This is the first year I've ever had finals, and I'm really scared! I have eight classes in total, and I have six or seven finals. I have a final in English, World History, French, Expository writing, Geometry, and statistics. I'm not sure if there's a final for biology, and I really hope there isn't. I'm hoping that the test he said that's going to be on June 7th to be a chapter test! If it's actually a final, then I'll have seven finals to take! I think that's just way too many, I'm seriously going to die. Even though finals haven't even started, I'm already hating finals.

5/25/11

I just finished reading both the old English and modern version of Romeo and Juliet on Sparknotes. Even though I only read over Act 1, it's such a long play! It took me like an hour and 15 minutes to read the whole thing. Thanks to Sparknotes I understand a lot more about Romeo and Juliet than I did before. I just hope that all this reading will help me on the quiz tomorrow. I don't really like Shakespeare, his writings are too confusing, I like regular English better.
I'm so tired right now, I can barely keep my eyes open. The girl's basketball team had a game today, and I ran so much. I haven't felt this tired from a game in quite some time. We lost really badly, but I really don't want to think about that, because I'll start getting angry again.
Today, I had curry from 7-11 for diner. I haven't had curry in such a long time, I forgot how delicious it is. I also bought a large carton of fruit tea, it's really yummy. Talking about food makes me realize how much I love food.

5/24/11

I feel so free today, there like no homework, except for homework due Thursday or Friday. Today, ever since math, I was studying statistics until lunch ended. However, during the whole math period, it turns out I was studying the wrong chapter. I found out that I studied the wrong chapter during Biology, so I took biology to study. I actually felt confident about the test, until I didn't know one problem. During lunch, I went to ask Sean, but he didn't know, so we went and asked Ben Lee.
It turns out the test wasn't that hard, only one or two questions were. The others were pretty easy if you read the book or studied. I think, hopefully I'm right, I only got one wrong, which was the last question. I really didn't know what the last questions was, so I kind of guessed. After I finished the test, James told me the answer. A lot of people didn't get it right, I think only Justice got it. I don't really like Justice right now, ha ha.

5/23/11

I don't want to go to school tomorrow, I don't want to go to school anymore. Everyday when I go to school, I hate every second I'm there. I use to dislike school, but never hate it as much as I do now. Thinking about school, I start to get really angry and tears build up. I hate this school so much that if I were to choose, I would choose to never have had moved here. I would choose a REAL American school over PAS, any day, in a heartbeat. I've seriously never had this much pressure and stress from school before. I remember the most stressful thing I've ever experienced back in the states was working on my constitution notebook up till four in the morning. Other than the constitution notebook, I wished myself to never having to experience anything like that again. Yet, because of the homework and projects of PAS, I've stayed up till five in the morning. All the homework, all the tests, quizzes, projects, and just everything just makes me scared. I hate PAS, and that's the simplest and nicest way I can say it.

5/22/11

Yay, I finished all the past statistic homework that I didn't do. Statistics take so much time to calculate, it can drive someone crazy! I'm really impressed by how James can do it so easily, and basically every single day. I didn't do the last two assignments though, oops. We're having a chapter test on Tuesday, and it's all about probability. You might think that probability is kind of easy, but not for statistics! It's actually really hard, and I'm scared I'm going to fail the test! I love statistics class, but I'm often confused and really scared that I'll fail the class.
My mom came back from Korea today, and she brought me gifts! I got two poster, three CD's and one pair of shorts. Now that I look at my room, I notice that out of all my posters, only two are NOT from Korea. I have seven posters and five of them are from Korea. Two of them my mom bought me, and the rest were from my friends in America. My Korean friends bought me those poster when they visited Korea.
Because my mom came back today, I took an hour to clean my room so she won't nag at me. I think my room's pretty clean and straight right now, for now. I can never keep my room clean, I have a tendency to throw clothes everywhere or like put papers randomly. I think it all comes down to the fact that I'm too lazy.

5/19/11

I'm typing as fast as I can because my computer is like running out of batteries. Yes, I know, I need to charge it, but you see, my charger is not with me right now. I don't why I'm so stupid, but I forgot my charger in the auditorium. Why? Well, it's because we were lobbying today for PASMUN, and I was the one to type the resolution. When it ended, I forgot to take my charger with me. Now, my computer is almost running out of batteries, and I have no way of charging it. I'm still trying to find another charger so then I'll have a computer to use. I'm more frustrated that because I'm so stupid for not remember, I can't type my speech for PASMUN now! I need to type up my speeches and send it to Ben for him to check over, but I can't really do that anymore! I feel so stupid and forgetful and just frustrated at myself.
I felt really proud of myself today during PASMUN, because I helped typed the resolution. It was so much typing, I never knew how tiring it was to like type for an hour and a half. I felt really proud of myself though, because I contributed a lot. I don't really want to debate tomorrow, but it's MUN, so I kind of have to....

5/18/11

I really hate some of my teachers, they make me so mad that I want to cry and punch them. A lot of times I just want to starting swearing out loud and punch that teacher in the face! We were in class watching a video and we had to answer questions so then we won't fall asleep. While watching the video, I was support my head with my arms, but I had my eyes open. For some reason, the teacher has a major eye problem that he kept telling me "Jean, don't sleep." I WASN'T EVEN SLEEPING, I WAS ONLY SUPPORTING MY HEAD, AND MY EYES WERE WIDE OPEN! HE HAS NO RIGHT TO TELL ME TO WAKE UP BECAUSE I WASN'T SLEEPING! What makes me even more mad is that I wasn't the only one who was sleeping. Seriously, the teacher has a serious eye problem. The closer the students sit, the more he doesn't see them sleeping, yet the farther the students sit, the more he calls on them. Sometimes I wonder if his glasses actually work, he's like eye sight disabled or something.

5/17/11

Sometimes I wonder what it's like to be in someone else's shoes for one day, or sometimes one week. Experience the different kinds of lifestyle that people have, and see the world is viewed differently. Sometimes I also wonder about what it's like to feel what they feel, go through what they do, and live as them for just one day. What is it like to lose a family member, not grandparents or cousins, but parents or siblings. I'm not hoping for anything right here, just pure curiosity. What is it like to have all the attention focused on you, and being treated like a princess by your family. What is it like to be a strong independent person who has strong will power to do things you determine to do. What is it like to be an innocent little kid, forgetting about all the troubles and worries of a high schooler. What is it like to be beautiful in every aspect, and being loved by people that you care about. That's a huge things going on these days, about what is beauty. There's always going to be hatred from people that you might not even know on the Internet, but people deal with it. The degrading comments always involve physical characteristics, and it makes some people strong, yet, it also makes people weaker. Of course, I understand that everyone is beautiful in their own way, but what is beauty? Can it ever be defined, or is it always going to be different from every one's point of view? There's always that "what if," and I really want to know and experiences all the different things in life.

5/16/11

I'm so tired today, and my eyes are all red. I woke at around seven in morning, but I had a really bad headache so I told my mom. I also asked my mom to call the school to tell them I was coming to school at ten. Even when I woke up later, my headache was still there through out the whole day! I couldn't handle the aching of my head so I went to the clinic during the last class.
It was raining like crazy today, it's still raining like crazy right now. I could hear the heavy raindrops bashing against the living room window. It's so loud that I can't concentrate on my homework so I moved to my room to do homework. For basketball, both the girls and boys basketball team went to UMC. It's kind of a waste though, because we spent money on both the entrance fee and the taxi just to play like 40 to 50 minutes of basketball. Yet, I still think it was a bit worth it because we're supposedly having a game this Wednesday. I think the chance of us actually playing is close to little because the rain is said to go on until next week Wednesday.

5/15/11

I'm so mad right now, I feel hate in my heart, like I hate with a passion. I really hate Pacific American School with a passion right now, it's the worst school I've attended so far. Most of the teachers suck, in exception of some, and they barely teach. The ones who actually do teach are actually nice about the homework load they give. The teachers who don't teach and could barely give a care about the students or the school gives homework like there's no tomorrow. They don't ever think about how much the students suffer, it's not like we only have their class for the whole day or year! We need time to ourselves too, can't the school just give us a day or two to rest?! Seriously, we had the spring fair on Sunday, and they expect us to have homework finished and back to school on Monday. Do you have any idea how tired the students are, how we try and get all of our homework finished on time?! I understand that everyone had their times when they were a student, but don't make the mistakes that your teachers made! I hate this school with a deep burning passion down in my guts!

5/12/11

Today went by really fast for some reason, and I did a lot of things. I finished the whole animal farm book today, it wasn't that bad, but not the greatest book. In biology I started working on the notes that I'm going to use tomorrow for the test, and after like half an hour I only finished one third of the notes. I feel like a good kid today, because I started my notes earlier! I rarely do that, I usually do my notes at around ten at night, the night before the test.
We had a rehearsal for musical today, and Ms. Sherry told us that we'll be going back to wordly wise from now on. I hate wordly wise, it's so stupid and not fun at all. All the other classes get to listen to ipods, use computers, talk, but in Mrs. Wallace class she doesn't allow that. I hate going to wordly wise, it's the worst part of Thursdays. She also announced that on this Sunday, the musical people are performing a piece of the musical. It's basically the performance we had for the UNICEF, but the arrangement is the one for the musical not UNICEF.
The cheer leading squad also had a practice today, and it was really hot. We're also performing on Sunday, so we learned a new routine to perform. It's not that bad and weird, but it's just going to be really hot. I hope that we'll do good this Sunday for both the cheer leaders and the musical people.

5/11/11

I'm having the worst day this week yet, and I can't take it! I really have no idea what I did for me to have this kind of day. I woke up late today and got yelled by my mom. I was almost late to school and it was super hot outside. One of my teachers started giving me a small lecture on how I need to make sure homework is turned in on time, and you have to print out all your homework. After school I had to present a project for French class, and I did horrible. Even though she said I did pretty well, I thought I did horrible. Up till there the day actually wasn't the worst, because I tried looking at the positive side of the day. 

Then came basketball practice, which ruined my whole entire day. I don't know why but I couldn't concentrate today, and I was having a bad day. Lee started scolding my team and I about how we need to concentrate and what not. I'm just so mad at myself for making these retarded mistakes that I should be making. It makes me furious how I can't just do one thing good, I hate it. I feel like swearing and punching something, I hate this week!

5/10/11

I actually just woke up from a really long nap, and it's around ten at night. I don't know why but I'm really tired these days, maybe because I've been sleeping a lot less. I felt tired, but yet not tired at all today, it was really weird. I woke up late today because I woke up late and I wanted my parents to call the school first so I would be excused or something. My stupid parents waited till like the last five minutes to tell me that they didn't know the number to school. I hate how they wait till the last minute to tell me that they can't do this or can't do that. They are irresponsible and procrastinate, I guess now I can't blame them for something!
I hate the weather these days it's so hot, like I'm in a sauna when I'm under the sun. Even when I'm not under the sun, I could feel the burning heat waves of the sun rays. I got tan too, tan compared to last week or whatever. I get tan so easily, it's actually kind of scary. I can get tan in the shade after like 30 minutes. I can get a shade darker from being under the sun after ten minutes. Sunscreen barely works on my skin, it only helps like the least amount.

5/9/11

I heard that yesterday there was a post of a cancer patient, it was their last post. Around  three thousand people logged onto blogger and read the post, so that's why blogger wouldn't allow me to post yesterday. I just found that out today, and now I'm kind of curious about the post. Today, Monday, I was in the state where you're really hyper, but actually really tired. You know when you're super tired, but you have that little bit of energy left and you start getting hyper all of a sudden? That's what happened to me, yet, after school I still went to basketball practice. Practice was kind of fun actually, even though it was way too hot. Right when I got to the sixth floor, I could feel the warmth of the sun on my skin. Even when I was in the shade, I could feel the poisonous heat of the sun piercing through my skin. I think during practice I ran too much, because I got two blisters at the soles of the feet. What's worse is that the two blisters popped, causing tremendous pain when walking. I don't know how I'm going to play a game on Wednesday.

5/8/11

Last night, or technically today, I went to sleep at 6:30 in the morning. I couldn't sleep for some reason, so I started playing tetris online. I played tetris from two in the morning to around 5 or 5:30 in the morning. After I told myself not to play anymore tetris, I finished the gift that I gave to my friend today. I didn't do any homework this weekend, and now I'm drinking coffee to try and keep me awake and do homework.
I went to downtown today with a friend, so I didn't celebrate Mother's Day today. Instead, we celebrated it yesterday in Taipei with my aunt and uncle. My brother gave my mom a gift that costs 2000 NT, and I gave her a card. Usually my dad just says, it's the thought that counts, and I don't want any gifts. My mom on the other hand said to me, "look what your brother gave me, where your gift?" On my birthday she doesn't even bother to write a card, and she doesn't even know when Children's Day is! I hate how selfish my mom is, I hate mother's day, I hate writing mother's day cards.

5/6/11

We're filming the goodbye video for Seniors this week, and we finished filming for Esther, Caroline, Teresa, Antony, Allen, and Albert. I think it's really fun, and I hope that it'll turn out well.
There's really little homework this week, there's still homework but I procrastinate. I have two or three days worth of statistics homework, study for geometry test tomorrow, biology test objectives, and script for world history. That's kind of a little/ a lot, depending on how you look at it and your efficiency. For me, it can be both a lot and little at the same time, depending on my mood. Sometimes, studying for geometry can take up 20 minutes to an hour. Statistic homework will always take up hours of my time, so I usually do that homework one at a time. Biology test objectives isn't till next week so I'm procrastinating on it. Script for world history isn't due until Monday so I'm procrastinating on it till the weekend. Basically, I'm a huge procrastinator, and I can't stop the bad habit.

5/4/11

I cried so much today when it was the Cast party and going away party for Ms. Alison. When all of us were watching the goodbye video that Antony made, I started crying and I couldn't stop. I haven't cried this hard in a really long time. I cried so hard that it was hard for me to breathe. I'm going to miss her so much, and I just hope that she won't forget any of us when she's in New York. Even though I only met her this year, she's taught me so much. Ms. Alison wasn't any normal teacher, she was like a friend. In her class, we'd talk about things like how to express ourselves, and gossip. Ha ha. She's an amazing person, she's also kind of like an inspiration to me. Ms. Alison knows how to be fun and crazy, but she also knows when to be serious and strict about things. She's an inspiration for me towards the performing arts, especially in theater. I don't see her dance and sing often, but when I do, she's so focused and passionate about it. I love music as well, and I just hope that I'll be like her one day.

5/3/11

I'm so mad right now, I can barely express it in words. I'm furious, I'm raging mad, I want to punch something so hard that my hand breaks. I really don't get people, why don't they listen, or just be reasonable? Especially boys, I really don't get why they think what they do is cool. Sometimes they just say that they don't feel like doing that thing, or they don't want to, and I just don't get it. What they 'don't feel like doing' can sometimes end up wasting everyone else's time.
I've been having a really bad week, even though it's only Tuesday, I'm hoping that the week will get better. Somehow, everyday, there's at least one thing I get really upset about it. When I tell it to my friends or whatever, it doesn't seem that big of a deal. When I think it in my head and connect it with all my other thoughts, I feel worthless. I have to put on a fake smile everyday just so I seem normal. When I say I put on a fake smile, that's saying something. I usually smile because I feel like it, and I'm always smiling, but when I don't feel happy, I do kind of show it. Now I have to fake my day through, and it just makes me feel worse.

5/2/11

I'm working on my statistics take home test right now, and I'm not getting it. I got the easy parts, but like all the other questions, I'm flipping through all the pages of the book to find the answer. Of course, the answers aren't going to in the book, but there's formulas to help me solve the problems. Once again, I'm getting agitated over school work, and this time, it's pertaining to math again. Seriously, I hate math so much that if I could choose, I'd rather choose a job that doesn't include mathematics. I can calculate like algebra and everything, but sometimes I just feel like math is the most annoying subject there is! Correction, one of the most annoying basic subjects in school. Other subjects such as Art History wouldn't count as a basic subject and I heard that class is really hard. I just hate how this school makes the students suffer with all that homework. I don't think a lot of students actually learn from the homework, they just learn how to turn stuff in on time. A lot of times, students don't even turn in homework on time! I don't like how there's so much homework, and a lot of the teachers aren't as qualified as some other teachers.

5/1/11

Today's my friend's birthday and we were suppose to go out and celebrate, but we couldn't. My friend's parents didn't allow going outside to play because SAT Math is next week. My friend's studying like every single day for it. Taking classes after school everyday for an hour, not being able to go out with friends on weekends, and taking practice tests almost every other day. I would hate to have to live like that, even just for a couple of weeks. I really don't want my sophomore year to come, I'm afraid of all that school pressure and the grades. On the contrary, I want freshmen year to end, because it's been a painful year. Right now I really feel that I hate high school, it's the worst! I miss middle school so much, I miss how we could roam freely. I miss how grades were important but never as important as high school. I miss how I only had like at most 4 hours of homework, depending on how long the assignment was. I just miss how free, happy, stress-free I was. Now I'm buried deep in homework, constantly worrying about my grades and feeling like the world's most stupid person.