4/28/11

I am so tired today, I didn't do any homework and fell asleep on my bed. I was woken up by a phone call, and I had to like talk on the phone for 10 minutes until I felt I wasn't going to sleep right after I hang up. I never knew how tiring it would be do perform a musical! I mean, I know it's tiring, but the rehearsing is crazy! We did two rehearsal, the first one was with corrections and everything to make it a better performance. The second one was a non-stop, full dressed rehearsal so it went a lot faster than the first one. I'm super tired and sore, from dancing and singing, and changing costume almost every 5 minutes.
It was a full dress rehearsal, meaning costumes, hair, and makeup. The makeup was really weird, because all of our eyebrows were outlined so we look like we have bushy eyebrows. Our lips were also bright red, which made us look kind of really creepy. I don't look like myself at all, and it scares me. What worse is that next Tuesday, it's a full dress rehearsal at school! Costume, makeup, hair, everything at school, where people can walk in a watch. I don't want people to see how freaky I look. But, I can't do anything about it. I just hope that they won't make fun of me too much.

4/27/11

Today I'm so crazy, and full of really weird ideas as well as saying weird things. I'm really upset that the boys basketball team lost again to the same team for the third time. I can't really control their winning and losing, but I just feel really upset. Whenever our team is playing against them, we're never in good condition. I hate the other team too, for being so cocky and annoying. They have no manners and it makes me so mad that I want to scream at them. When we play against other teams or when they play with us in our home court, we offer to help. We at least ask if they need help with putting chairs away. The team the boys played against today didn't ask that at all! They didn't even have the manner to go into the bathroom or somewhere else than change on the court in front of everyone. I really hate people with bad manners, it makes me think how uneducated they are.
After the game was really fun though, because I went out for dinner. I can't believe how silly and weird I am, it's to a point that even I'm speechless sometimes. It was really fun though, and I feel like I'm being taken care of. I love having friends that are older, they help me a lot with academics and emotional problems.

4/26/11

There's so much homework this week, I'm so mad at all the teachers! I don't get why they have to give so much homework during this time! I have homework from all classes, except for Musical Production. I finished English and History homework, but there's still biology notes, questions and math homework. The most scariest homework for me right now is math homework because there's so much of it! I have six lessons of math homework to catch up on, and I hate geometry. I hate geometry so that's why I dread having to do the homework for it. The other math homework is Statistics, a math class that I don't completely hate. I don't hate statistics class because it's kind of fun, except the homework. He gives kind of a lot of homework because he gives like a normal amount of questions, but the questions all have sub-questions. In other words, one questions he gives is actually like five questions. I'm not the smartest person in statistics, so when I'm doing his homework, I sometimes get really frustrated that I can't get it! I hate PAS because of the homework that the teachers give us, it's way too much for a freshmen.

4/25/11

I feel so weird going to school today, because I feel really awkward with my new haircut. I had so many people going up to me and point to me saying "you got a haircut!" I don't know what to say so I just smile and nod back. The funnies thing was during lunch,Esther turned towards me and said "from this angle you look like you have short hair." After she said that I turned 360 degrees and Caroline and I both said "it's because I do have short hair."
After basketball practice I wasn't the best mood, and I don't even know why. But, I went out to dinner with some friends, and I was laughing like crazy. I love hanging out with them because they always know how to make me smile. For some reason, I feel like I've learned a lot today. Not learning a lot as in life experiences, but learned a lot of secrets. I feel trusted and it makes me feel important and happy.

4/24/11

I got a haircut on Saturday, and I'm not use to it at all! I wanted a big change, so I cut my hair really short. It's only a little bit longer than shoulder length, and it makes me look like a little girl. My hairdresser says I look more like a little kid, more fit for my age. I feel really weird and a bit insecure without my long hair now, I haven't had short hair in a really long time. Last time I had short hair was probably in first or second grade.  After my haircut, my mom took me shopping around Taipei. It was actually a lot of fun, because I bought so much clothes! They were all pretty cheap too, because that's the only reason my mom let me buy them.
Today, I've been working on my homework for the whole day. Ever since I woke up and finished my lunch, I started working on homework. It's 10:16 PM, and I haven't started on math homework yet! I have so much math homework this week, and I have like no time to finish it. I hate math so much, I hate it with a passion.

4/21/11

As I expected, I still had a really bad morning. It's all because of the math test we got back, I got a really bad score. I don't understand why I always get these bad grades! I study, I do my homework, but I just don't pay as much attention during class. The only reason I do that is because the teacher said that she doesn't grade on participation. It makes me really mad that teachers do that, and they have favorites, even if they don't show it. During biology, the teacher was going over the test objectives and it's funny how he doesn't know the answers on the top of his hands. Isn't he suppose to be the biology teacher, and yet he looks up answers in the book. If he doesn't even though the answers to the questions he gives us, what give him the right to give up those tests?! Another thing is that he goes on facebook during class time.
Sometimes I feel like it's not fair for some people in the cheer leading squad. Today, we took pictures for the yearbook, and almost like one third almost half the time was dedicated towards guys who singly lift the flyer's up. Bases and protectors got some pictures, but definitely not as much as the flyer's. I understand that flyer's are important since they are flyer's. The thing that I don't understand is, flyer's already get most of the attention during performances, should the bases get some attention as well? If you think about it, without the protectors or bases, flyer's are nothing. Bases, protectors, and flyer's make up a whole group, without one, the others can't go on. I'm just saying that people need to give their attention to everyone, not just the people who are always in the spotlight.

4/20/11

I can't believe how useless I am, I know I shouldn't be saying that but that's how I feel right now. I feel like I can't do anything, anything I do is bad and never good enough. I know that whatever I think I'm good at, there will always be people who can do it better. I know I have to accept the fact that where ever I go, there's people better than me. I just can't accept the fact that I can't do anything well, especially the things I like. I can't do that, the least I can do is be smart and work hard in school. Still, I can't do that either. I didn't get the grade that I want, so I'm in a bad mood. My friend told me that I shouldn't be sad over my grades, it's better than a lot of other people, but I just can't help it. I'm not them, I have my own standards, and they be higher or lower than others. It doesn't matter, because even if my parents to nag at me, I'll still feel the guilt. I feel stupid, slow, worthless, and useless. I can't do anything good, and even if I can, it's still not good enough. I just don't know what I am actually good at to redeem myself.

4/19/11

The musical production did our first run through today, it took like almost two hours! It was really fun though, and it went pretty well. Even though I'm the ensemble, I still feel a bit important. The musical doesn't have that many people, so each part is important, no matter how small. One important thing was that I always though the Hot Box Girl's dance was really embarrassing because we had to act really giggly. For some reason, I managed to be really giggly, and I didn't feel embarrassed at all. I use to be afraid because it was unnatural, but it's not anymore. It's a part of the performance, so I just took time and enjoyed it. I love being able to enjoy my performance so I don't get nervous and mess up. I think that's the joy of performing. For the first time, I feel the true happiness and excitement of performing. I can't be too sure though, because this was only a run through. I hope that even in front of an audience I'll still feel the same and be able to enjoy this performance.

4/18/11

I'm so mad at cheer leading, I've had enough of it, I really want to quit! Usually, cheer practice is from club time til 4:30 in the afternoon. But, apparently it's changed to club time til 5PM and on Tuesdays it's from 3:30 to 5:30 PM. I really can't stand it, I have no time to myself! I have no time to do what I want, or even have any free time to hang with my friends. I really hate it because we work hard, but there are some people who don't. Without Jingmin and I, who were complaining right after we heard the news, the cheer squad would probably end. I'm the base for Amanda, and Jingmin is the protector for Misty, and sometimes even base. Without us two, two of the groups wouldn't be able to perform, leaving only one group left. How is a cheer leading squad suppose perform with only one group of four or five people? It's impossible!
Today was Jack's birthday and during practice, the coach gathered us for a little talk from the captains, co-captains and the coaches. Right when Lee finished his speech, almost the whole boys basketball team surrounded Jack and wiped him with shaving cream. The cake that Enya and Rachel bought was delicious! I hope that Jack had an amazing birthday.

4/17/11

I am so hyper right now, because I just watched the "Roller Buffalo" video. The song singing "you can't roller skate in the buffalo herd" is stuck in my head! It's way too funny because of an inside joke from TAIMUN. Gosh, how I miss that amazing yet crazy night at TAIMUN. When we got back, I went to eat dinner with Maxine, Vincent, and Sean. They all ate, except for me because I wasn't hungry.
On Saturday, it was my dad's birthday so last night we went to a Japanese restaurant.
Today, my mom took our family to this moving party or whatever you call it. My mom's friend's sister is moving to a new house and they're celebrating for it. The house was amazing big and clean and full of space, the total opposite of our house. After we had that celebration, my parents took my brother back to his dorm.
Right now I'm watching the video that Austin filmed during the night at TAIMUN, and I can't stop laughing. I really like MUN, especially when we're at the hotel.

4/14/11

Finally there's Internet in the hotel, even though there's only two bars. I was afraid that I couldn't get Internet and I wouldn't be able to post a blog on blogger causing my blog points!
Today (technically yesterday), I woke up at 5:41 in the morning because we have to meet at school at 6:30. I slept all the way through the bus ride, and when we got to the hotel, opening ceremony started right away. After opening ceremony, we took a crazy bus ride up to AST. The bus ride made me really dizzy and gave me a headache. I was really nervous to go up to the podium for the opening speech. I was shaking and I made stuttering mistakes, I kind of laughed at myself. When lobbying came, it was at first really boring, but then it became really fun. I made new friends and it was really fun, even though I got a bit scared at first. I'm hoping that tomorrow I won't get attacked too much and start crying on stage!

4/13/11

I went to sleep at around almost two in the morning today, and I'm sick too. I'm tired and at the same time, I got sick, being tired and sick. Personally, being tired and sick is probably one of the worst combinations. I haven't been feeling this sick for a really long time. The funny thing is that during basketball practice, I sat out because I didn't feel well and I asked Mr. Lee a question. He answered the questions and started talking more about it and become more and more detailed. I didn't say it out loud, but after he said all that, I forgot everything. I couldn't follow along because I can't think straight and it just went in and out the other ear.
Tomorrow is TAIMUN, and I'm so excited and nervous at the same time! It's my first conference, and everyone has to speak, which I kind of don't want to do because I have stage fright. I'm feeling OK about my opening speech because Mr. Wahlgren fixed parts of it, but I'm afraid I'll be dissed if I go up and debate about my issue. Seriously, if a lot of people start asking me questions, I think I'm going to cry.... I'm excited though, because there's a diner and dance that night! My friends and I are only going to half the dance, then we're going to the night market. The night market in Taichung is really famous so I'm going there and may be getting some gift for people.

4/12/11

I'm having a really bad day today and I hate it. At first it was going OK, but ever since after lunch things started to go bad. First during Statistics class we had to answer the bonus questions on our previous test. While trying to find out the answer to the second question, I got confused. I kind of got it after he worked it out for us, but I still kind of don't get it if I were to do it on my own. During Musical,  things didn't go the way I wanted to, but I'm not going to say what. It really gets on my nerves because things like this always happens to me! After school, I hung out with my friends which got me in a better mood. Yet, I still feel down because I feel like I annoy some people. Especially today, I feel like that person is often a little frustrated at me. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry to all those people who I've annoyed or hurt or did something that I shouldn't of done.

4/11/11

Today is the first day back from spring break and I am not ready for school at all. I'm really tired, and I feel like procrastinating and I just want to sleep! Today I'm like totally out of it, I opened a locker and accidentally hit myself on the head. I also kept saying the wrong words, making me sound like I'm talking gibberish. I guess it's not the worst Monday, but definitely not the best. This week I only have three days of school because on Thursday, it's TAIMUN so I won't be at school on both Thursday and Friday.
My spring break was pretty good, it was relaxing and free. At the same time, I did do something during my spring break so I don't seem like a complete couch potato. On Wednesday I went to Leofoo Village with my friends. On Friday I went to a buffet that I've never been to with Wanyi. On Saturday I went to UMC with some basketball people and exercised! On Sunday, I went to my first wedding, and it was really fun! A lot of people told me it's going to be boring, but it turned out to be the exact opposite. It was my cousin's wedding and another one of my cousin is getting married next month! I'm excited for the wedding!